Recovery After Sex Industry: Leap of Faith
By Jocelyn Hu
I stared at the computer screen as the butterflies in my stomach were doing a routine that would make a gymnast proud. Slowly my fingers found the corresponding letters as I typed- iamatreasure dot com. I clicked the link that was for 'dancers and industry girls only.' Gulp. My nerves were getting the better of me as I clicked to the contact form.
Uh-oh, they wanted my name.
Of course they wanted my name. But this was the first time I was going to write my name- my real name and connect it to my past. Yes, I had friends who knew about my sex industry work. But not my Christian friends. No way. I was afraid to tell them. Wouldn't they judge me?
As a new Christian, I was only beginning to understand the beauty and majesty of God's forgiveness and grace. And I had no idea that people, real people, could possibly mirror back some of that grace to me.
I had heard Harmony speak at my church and I bought several of her teaching CDs. At the time, all was well in my world and I simply enjoyed and related to her messages, nothing more. But a year later, I hit the wall, and needed help.
It has been my experience that the Lord doesn't give me something until He has strengthened me enough to handle it. So at four years into my sobriety, and one year into being a Christian, my Heavenly Papa was there for me when the long repressed memories of my sexual abuse began to surface for the very first time.
One year before, I had slammed the door shut on the sex industry. I had worked for five years as a dominatrix, but after receiving God's amazing love, scales fell from my eyes. And one day looking into the mirror as I was getting ready to see a client, I knew I was done. I turned and never looked back, until the memories of abuse came.
And then I not only needed to deal with the emotional effects of having been sexually abused, but I also found that my time in the industry was coming up in my thoughts again. I struggled. I knew I didn't want to go back to working in the business, and yet the way it artificially seemed to soothe my pain was pulling at me.
Leaving the sex industry was easy. Staying out was the challenge. It was as though it was sticking to me like slime, trying to pull me back into its grip. Of all the friends I had in the industry, I was the only one I knew who said she would leave and actually did. I knew no one else like me, and I needed help.
And with that, I slowly began to type my name. My real name. I know now that what I have done is not who I am. My past has been redeemed and I have opened my heart to let God use my pain for His purposes. It has been five years since I first reached out to Treasures. And for a little more than a year, I have had the privilege of serving on the outreach team.
Being honest was the first big hurdle for me. Speaking the truth about who I am and taking that leap of faith was one of the greatest moves I've ever made. Once I jumped, I was caught in His grace. And in His arms I rest safe and protected.
So I took my leap of faith, but what about you? Is there something you feel your heart tugging you about? Maybe there's a phone call to make or a conversation to have. Perhaps you are like me and want to reach out to Treasures.
Reaching out is simple, but it isn't always easy. I believe if you take the leap, He will catch you.
Andee Flynn is a volunteer with the Treasures outreach team. She is also an author, speaker, personal coach and blogger. She lets God shine His light through her story of healing and redemption. Read more from Andee at Joyful Project. Follow Andee on facebook and twitter.
© 2013 I Am Treasure Ministry