Married to a Porn Addict: Five Years Later...

By Ella Chan

As I look back over the past five years of my marriage, I think about the number of times when I wanted to call it quits.

There are so many instances of wanting to quit that I'm almost ashamed. However, marriage is hard work and my wants do not outweigh God's will. I'm still married today. Many people struggle in their marriage. It could be due to finances, lack of communication or lack of interest.  The list could go on and on.  Believe me, my list is pretty lengthy.

I struggle in my marriage sexually because of my husband's addiction to pornography.

In the beginning, it was very hard to enjoy sex with my husband because there was no intimacy involved. No kissing. No caressing. No pleasure. I felt like one of the girls in the pornography videos he'd been so accustomed to watching.  As the years passed, I became more vocal about my feelings about our sex life and how it made me feel. I began to vocalize my sexual wants and my desires and stopped worrying about whether or not his ego would be bruised as a result of my honesty

Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and realized that there is power in truth, I began to see a shift in our sex life.  My husband began to listen.  I'm sure his ego was bruised occasionally but sometimes truth hurts. He had to be honest with himself and take the focus off of himself and redirect it to me. Is our sex life perfect and free from the damage porn can cause to a family? No. Is our sex life better now that truth is revealed at the appropriate time about our sex life? Yes. 

I had to put my wants and desires aside and focus on our needs as a couple. Our needs are to please each other.  We both have to erase the miseducated perception we learned as teens of what sex is suppose to be.  We are learning to create what sex should to us.  It is a process; however, we are on the path to a healthier sex life. Sex is beautiful and designed specifically for us as a married couple.  I've had to learn to tap into my life source (My heavenly Father) to intervene in our sex life. I contribute our growth to honesty, wisdom as we grow older, and much prayer.

In preparation for five years more...

Maya Journey is a Corporate Trainer for a major Health Care Company. She is married with two children.

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porn addiction, marriage,