Part the Waters, Lord!
"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." Psalm 42:2.
I came home today utterly exhausted after only 5-6 hours sleep last night. After months of this, I don't know what to say anymore. Same story, different day. My brain wants to go on hiatus, but I keep begging, "not now, I need you!" Yet here I am, on autopilot. On the outside I appear normal enough; on the inside I feel like a total circus freak. Why? For one thing, my brain jiggles around inside my head like jello when I walk, and sometimes it feels like I'm walking sideways, but hey--that's still a good day. Not sure what's going on with me, but sleep is a blessing we sometimes take for granted.
I also made the yearly trek to my doctor's office today for a checkup I've avoided for two years. My reward was getting stuck there for three whole hours. Mind you, one full hour of that time was spent waiting in a cold examining room under a thin piece of paper...with nothing to read! Suffice it to say I was most uncomfortable, inconvenienced, angry, thirsty, bored, and at my wit's end. Just as I was about to grab my clothes and make a quick run for it, the door opened, and in walked my doctor, seemingly nonchalant about the whole thing.
"And how are you today?" he asks.
"Fine," I lied.
There I sat, cold, hungry, my head throbbing. I wanted to snap his head off like a twig, but thought better of it. It took a fair amount of grace, but I also managed to bite my tongue and not exude all the sarcasm that came to mind. Sure, I'm probably suffering from a tad bit of hormonal angst, but why would I share this with you? I have no earthly idea. Except for a friend's remark the other day--something about being more transparent in my writing. Alrighty then!
But here's the hard part. After I drove home through horrendous traffic this evening with frazzled body in tow--oh yea, and my free hormone samples--my heart was heavy and full of "me." All I could think of were my problems, my feelings, my needs. I prayed, admittedly overwhelmed. But my perspective shifted dramatically with the first email I opened this evening. Inside was gripping news of a mother whose two stepsons were just killed. A friend had written and asked for prayer. Upon reading the words--even before finishing the email--I broke down and cried. That family's grief poured over me, and I began to lift them up in prayer, asking for God's comfort and sustaining power. This could be my family or yours. Not only that, but we've been called to bear one another's burden in Christ, and so my tears became my prayers tonight. I'm ever thankful for a God who understands the magnitude of our tears and interprets each drop. But there will be no more tears in heaven. He’ll wipe away every tear!
No matter how awful we think our day was, someone else has suffered worse. But God's grace is there. His grace lifted me beyond my own four walls today and renewed a right heart within me.
And so there were other emails that concerned me, a phone message, and a letter that broke my heart. My time at the keyboard tonight quickly turned into a bit of 'prayer chapel,' which I needed. It's good to wrestle before God with earnest longings and petitions, to sit quietly with him, to rely on His power and comfort. God hears our heart's cry. He not only hears, he cares and he answers.
Tonight the world is full of hurting people, yet at times I think I'm the only one. Maybe we're all like that. We absolutely need the healing power of God operative in our lives because we never know what a single day will bring. I can't imagine my life without God's presence. I desperately need Him, yes, even in the small things. In Him we live and move and have our being.
I'd like to share the words to part of a song performed by "Selah" on their new CD, Hiding Place, which blessed me this weekend:
Part the Waters
(words & music by Charles F. Brown)
When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord.
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea.
When I cry for help, oh hear me, Lord and hold out your hand~
Touch my life, still the raging storm in me.
And, I also leave you with this verse:
"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with his peace." Psalm 28:11.
Praying His strength & peace for you,