Students Confessions: I'm Feeding my Addiction, now It's Eating me
I am a 16 year old who struggles with pornagraphy. "All guys do it. It's the norm" if the norm is being tempted to find sex being turned from a beautiful God given pleasure to a kid sitting at home regretting the past few minutes in front of a computer screen, what has this society become?
It started when I was about 12. My cousin had then new iPhone and he showed me some pornagraphy on it. One day he went to his baseball game and left his phone on the pool table. I saw it and thought, "what the heck?". Well what the heck was I thinking.
A couple times a month grew into a couple times a week. A couple times a week grew into a couple times a day. To the point where I couldn't sleep at night without it.
Currently I have a beautiful girlfriend who is my everything. I have told her of my addiction and she understands that it has affected my life in a negative way. I thought that it would all end. I still have the temptation to do it. Sometimes, usually my temptation overpowers me. I have prayed about it with my youth pastor but it still shadows me. I'm stuck. I think to myself, "Taylor (my girlfriend) is everything I need to be happy" then temptation kicks in..then I waste 20 minutes of looking up centerfolds and then when it's done, I see her picture on my background and start crying. Every, single, time. I've nearly lost hope in overcoming this addiction and am afraid of ruining my relationship with God and my girlfriend. I have contemplated suicide (not recently) and feel hopeless and guilt drowns me about this situation. I'm stuck.