What Is Behind Your Child's Resistant Behavior?
By Amy On Sep 20, 2013
How many times do you get frustrated with your child's behavior? When your child resists you, you may feel frustrated and then decide to punish them. You expect punishment would bring good results and reduce the child's unfavorable behavior. However, is your child's behavior getting better with punishment?
The parent face difficult situations when the child resists. Your child's behavior stimulates your emotion, you become angry and even out of control in some cases. However, one basic thing helps parents to control their emotions-- that is knowing the reason behind the resistance from child's side.
Non-compliant behavior allows a child to receive attention, avoid a task they do not want to do, and gain power by trying to irritate a parent. This is the form of behavior that parents always focus on and do not think about what purpose it's serving for the child.
The form of behavior is the least important aspect for the parent to address. For instance, a child comes home from school angrily after being falsely accused of talking during class. She may have felt helpless in trying to convince the teacher of her innocence. So, upon walking into the house she may purposely knock a book off the shelf. What purpose does this child's behavior serve? Knocking the book to the floor is a way for the girl to feel empowered after feeling so helpless at school.
There are important preconditions for your child's compliance. First, be aware that some habitual ways of dealing with your child, especially punishing them, may actually be making the negative interactions worse and harder to change. When you try to administer punishment, you can easily get into a power struggle with your child. Once you find yourself in a power struggle, the child has already won by having gotten just what they wanted to feel in control of the situation by irritating you.
Second, the way you make a request to a child can affect how she responds. For instance, how many times have you told a child not to whine, only to have the child retort in an even more whiney voice. When you do not respond negatively, there is no pay off for the child in continuing the behavior.
For instance, when siblings fight in the car, you can't drive with focus. In this case, you will be angry but try to calm down and pray to God. Then you can tell them politely that you will wait outside the car until they finish fighting. Most children will stop within a couple seconds and want you to get back in the car.
However, the reason behind the resistance helps a parent to know the cause of unfavorable behaviors. When a parent communicate with their child, they will release their stress and tell you what problem they have. The more communication you have, the healthier your child can become. This also builds a strong relationship between you and a child.